Is Honesty Really the Best Policy?

Yesterday, I went out to dinner with close friends of mine and we subsequently caved in to our kids’ demands for frozen yogurt afterwards.  We headed to one of the newest places in town called Bohemian Raspberry because they also have coffee for us grownups.

As the kids were filling up their cups with various frozen yogurt flavors and a wide array of toppings, I happened to notice a $10 bill lying on a table nearby.   I walked over to it wondering if one of the kid’s may have dropped it, I asked around but no, it belonged to no one.  I quickly reasoned that a customer must have left the money there unknowingly.

With the money in hand, I walked up to a girl working behind the counter and said, “Excuse me, I found this money over there,” handing her the $10 bill.  The expression on her face was priceless.  “What?” she asked, thinking she must have misheard me.  “I found this money over there.”

Again sensing her surprised reaction, I added jokingly, “I know.  I’m either honest or stupid, right?”  She then looked up at me with a smile and said, “You are honest.”

“Well, you know,” I chimed in, “Just in case this is for a reality show and there were cameras there waiting to see what I would do.” We shared a laugh as my husband John walked up to pay for two cups of coffee and yogurt for our two daughters.  I was busy chatting with my friend Lisa when my husband patted me on the shoulder, “Honey, she gave us a discount for your honesty.  The whole thing only came to $7 and change.”  I looked over at the girl and said, “Oh, thank you very much.”

My husband and I made our way over to a table and sat down with our friends. We sat there for about five minutes enjoying good conversation and coffee when the girl behind the counter came over to us putting a pastry down on the table and handing us two discount coupons for our next visit.  This time it was me who looked surprised.  She looked at me smiled and just said, “For your honesty.”

There’s an old saying, “What goes around comes around.”  I couldn’t help but think of this as my husband and I downed our delicious and unexpected pastry.  Let’s face it; a lot of people would have just pocketed that money.  No one even knew it was there.  So it would have been an easy $10 in my pocket.

But what I received in return was worth far more than $10.  Though the discount, the free pastry and the coupons didn’t quite add up to $10, her warm response to my honesty lifted my spirit.  She clearly made my day.  I did something nice for her and she reciprocated and turned that kindness right back at me. What you reap, you shall sow.

Although it might sound cliché, this is a good example that you shouldn’t expect from others what you are not willing to give.  Treat others the way that you expect to be treated.  If you want love, show it.  If you want honesty, give it.  And if you ever happen to be near Westfield, NJ and in the mood for some frozen yogurt, stop in and visit the wonderful folks at Bohemian Raspberry!

Thank You, My Friend

                      

When I was a young college student at Glassboro State College (now Rowan University) in New Jersey, I had a friend who was a fellow journalism major.  We both landed a brief stint working for NBC during the 1988 Presidential Primaries.  I will never forget this particular day; I was driving over to the studio and was extremely nervous because the job would involve speaking by phone to reporters out on the field and then reporting election results with a group of others which would later be recounted on the air.  As a hearing impaired individual, I didn’t have the confidence that I could do the job but at the same time didn’t want to pass up an opportunity to work for NBC.

So on this day, I voiced my concerns to my friend Bonnie who just looked at me and said, “Josie, you know you can do it.  You’re going to do great.  Shake it off.”  I smiled appreciatively and kept driving. Soon after, Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon and Garfunkel) came on the radio and Bonnie and another friend just started singing.  I have never forgotten that experience.  It put a smile on my face; I calmed down and later went on to do the job.

To this day, I often think of Bonnie when I hear this song.  We have since lost touch, but I will never forget her act of kindness and encouragement when I needed it most.  Yet, sadly, I didn’t give it a second thought then.

There is a popular poem that says people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  One of my favorites, it reads:

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Too often, we don’t recognize the significance of the moment until much later when it’s too late to say thank you.  I honestly don’t know if Bonnie would even remember that day but if I saw her today I’d say thank you and give her a hug.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the everyday events of our lives that we don’t take the time to recognize the moments and the people who make it all worthwhile.  I recently read about an interesting exercise that helps to bring this concept to light.  Imagine a room full of all the important people in your life.  Now imagine that each person begins to exit the room. Who are the people who make this room feel empty when they leave even though others are still in the room?

We tend to take the people we love the most for granted.  In our own minds, we think they will always be there.  Maybe they will be and maybe they won’t.  But isn’t it better to at least recognize the value of a relationship while you still can?

Whatever the reason, whatever the season, take the time to let your friends know how much you appreciate them. Why not let them know how much you care right now.  Sometimes in life, we don’t get second chances.  Make the most of the moments you are given.

This blog is dedicated to the beautiful, priceless friends in my life, both old and new. I love you and thank you for being a vital thread in the security blanket I hold close to my heart.

 

Why Bully?

 

                       

“I’m not concerned with your liking or disliking me.  All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.”

Jackie Robinson

Bailey O’Neill, a 12-year old student at a suburban Philadelphia school, died due to injuries suffered from an alleged bullying incident on January 10^th of this year which left him with a concussion and a broken nose.  After the incident, Bailey began having refractory status epilepsies in which the brain is in a state of persistent seizures.  Doctors placed him in a medically induced coma but he was sadly taken off life support on Sunday and passed away. A criminal investigation is under way. 

New Jersey education officials recently stated that over 12,000 instances of bullying and intimidation were reported in the 2011-12 school year.  California has the highest level of bullying with New York coming in second.  (Source: www.statisticbrain.com).

Despite tough anti-bullying programs and laws, incidents are on the rise.  Part of the reason for this is cyber bullying.  Years ago, kids who were bullied could escape to the privacy and security of their own homes.  Nowadays, through the use of electronic technology (computers, cell phones, social networking sites, etc.) kids are subjected to bullying 24/7. 

As a victim of bullying myself, I can tell you that the psychological effects last well into adulthood.  It’s not something easily forgotten.  In my case, for example, I was picked on and ridiculed for the way I walked.  Having been born with a disability called cerebral palsy; I walk with a limp and speak with a speech impediment.  It hurt to no end to be ridiculed for something that I had absolutely no control over. 

But had I known then what I know now I think I probably would have handled myself differently.  I didn’t run home and tell my mother what was happening at school.  I didn’t want to cause my parents any further pain.  This trend continues today as the majority of those bullied do not tell their parents.  But back then, I didn’t understand why other kids were making fun of me. In hindsight, I now realize that it had nothing to do with me.

Kids bully others to make themselves feel better or to pick themselves up.  It’s as simple as that.  They may feel the need to bully someone else in order to appear “cool” to their friends. The victim never does anything to deserve the bullying behavior.  They may be chosen for a variety of reasons.  Perhaps, they are seen as submissive in personality and sometimes it’s simply because they are seen as a threat (prettier, smarter, etc.). 

Those who bully more often than not have other problematic behavior patterns.  They tend to have aggressive personalities and be the leader of the group.  Bullying incidents occur most often among middle school aged children (6^th to 8^th grade). Currently, I have two daughters in middle school (6^th and 7^th).  While my oldest has thankfully never experienced any kind of bullying behavior, I unfortunately cannot say the same for my youngest daughter.  So this subject is not one that I take lightly.  No parent wants to see their child get hurt.

Parents of both victimized and bullying children should encourage openness and honesty.  Talk to your children and take the time to listen to what they have to say.  Don’t just assume that your school will handle it or that your child would never do such a thing, etc.  Whether your child is the victim or the victimizer, he or she is crying out for your attention.

But what exactly is bullying and how does it differ from “normal” adolescent behavior?   Bullying is an act of intimidation and can be broken down into three types: verbal, social and physical.  It involves everything from making fun of someone to verbal threats.  Not to mention ruining someone’s reputation intentionally by spreading rumors which aren’t true and encouraging others not to be friends with that person.  Bullying, of course, also involves causing the other person physical harm.  

There are some who say that developmentally appropriate conflict is often confused for bullying. As we reach our teens, for example, we begin to understand our personalities better and seek friends who are more like us.  And sometimes this developmental growth hurts but there are major differences between normal conflicts and bullying.  Bullying is always intentional and hurtful.  In bullying, one is always made to feel inferior. 

However, in normal developmental conflict, the intent is not to cause harm but to simply experience personal growth. 

If there is anyone out there right now reading this who is either currently bullying or perhaps bullied someone in the past, do me a favor and answer one question:  how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?  In other words, how would you feel if you were the one being bullied? 

Ironically, bullies frequently fear being bullied or ridiculed themselves.  While most are domineering, others suffer from a low self-esteem.  So putting others down is seen as a way to lift themselves up and feel like they fit in. 

I am not feeling sorry for bullies here but I will tell you that not all bullies are bad people.  They are just taking the wrong way out of dealing with their own personal issues at the time.  As I said earlier, I was often ridiculed when I was a teenager.  Many years later, I ran into one of my tormentors.  When I told her that I had written a book which included stories about my high school years, she remarked, “I’m not proud of what I did.  I’m sorry.”

 Honestly, I was left speechless by her heartfelt words.  Although I was extremely grateful for her apology, I hadn’t realized until then that I was still carrying around the hurt after all those years.  I wanted to just cry in her arms but instead I walked away holding back the tears.

As both a former victim and the mother of two young girls, I am very happy to know that anti-bullying laws have finally been implemented.  I don’t think, however, that such rules are enough to end bullying around the world.  The end to bullying has to begin in the home, not in the legislature or our schools. 

If children feel loved and accepted at home, they will be less likely to seek acceptance at someone else’s expense.  We must teach children to treat others the way that they themselves expect to be treated.

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For more information on bullying, please visit www.stopbullying.gov. and www.stopbullyingnow.com.  Thank you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmUL72dIbTA

Papal Resignation: A Time for Change

The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists. ~ Japanese Proverb

Pope Benedict XVI stunned Catholics and non-Catholics across the globe yesterday when he resigned saying, “I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me. For this reason, and well aware of the seriousness of this act, with full freedom I declare that I renounce the ministry of bishop of Rome, successor of Saint Peter.”

Like so many others, I was surprised by the news after all Pope Benedict was the first pope to resign in nearly 600 years.  The last time a pope resigned was Gregory XII in 1415.

There are many who believe that his resignation marks a great disservice to the Catholic Church because his exit comes in the midst of crisis and discord. In fact, some say the pope’s decision has as much to do with infighting within the Vatican walls as it does with his age and failing health.  Of course, everyone has heard about the widespread clergical sex abuse scandals and the Vatican’s alleged cover-ups.   But the Catholic Church has also faced much criticism for its rigid stance against gay marriage and homosexuality in general.  In fact, the Catholic Church spent a considerable amount of money on anti-gay marriage campaigns.  The pope’s spokesman even compared gay marriage to polygamy.

The Church is losing the battle and, in my opinion, will continue to lose the battle. I am happily married and straight but I’m also for gay and lesbian equality.  I have some close friends who are gay and I’m proud of that. To me, the most important thing is love and happiness, not gender.  If you find it with a member of the same sex, then fine.  God is not going to stand before you and say, “OK, you’re gay and now you’re going to hell.”  How can you on one hand say that you believe in an all loving God and then on the other hand say that He is going to condemn you to hell just because you love someone of the same sex?  The only thing that will matter is the good that we did while on this Earth and the love that we gave.

My point in telling you all this is that I believe in God and was raised Roman Catholic, yet I don’t believe in some of the teachings of the Church.  And I am not alone; the majority of today’s Catholics, according to a study by the Public Religion Research Institute, don’t believe in many of the Catholic Church’s policies and teachings.  For example, 54 percent of Catholics are in favor of allowing gay marriage.  Also, although most Catholics agree that abortion is wrong, the majority still believe in a woman’s right to choose.

Of course, the problems facing the Catholic Church go far beyond gay marriage and abortion. Some argue there is corruption within and rumors persist that Pope John Paul I was actually murdered because he was about to reveal financial disgraces involving the Vatican. Is this true?  I don’t know and perhaps we will never know the truth.  But what I do know is that for such a rumor to circulate in the first place things can’t be all that good.

The study goes on to show that most Catholics believe the Church has its priorities all wrong. More than 60 percent believe that more time should be spent focusing on helping the poor and social justice rather than arguing about gay equality and abortion issues.

Others argue that women should be allowed to become priests and marriage should be permitted amongst the clergy.  Allowing priests to marry, many believe, would decrease incidences of sexual abuse. Of course, nobody knows what the outcome of such radical changes would be but what we do know is the status quo, which has held for centuries, is outdated and does not work anymore.

Having said this, I’m not one who believes that Pope Benedict XVI’s departure marks a great disservice to the Catholic Church.  I have a great deal of respect for not only the pope but also the papacy.  I admire Pope Benedict for all the good he has done and certainly appreciate his willingness to step down.  I’m sure this was an extremely difficult decision for him and one he pondered for quite some time.

The Pope remains the single most respected and universally recognizable religious figure in the world, with over 2.3 billion Christians globally of which over half are Catholic. Popes through the ages have done immense good throughout the world.  Undoubtedly, however, changes need to be made, and they need to start with the papacy, or we may someday see an end to the Catholic Church.

It’s ironic how Pope Benedict’s resignation comes just before the Season of Lent, which is seen as a time for faith, renewal and reflection.  Hopefully, the Catholic Church is finally listening.  Hopefully, it will seize this opportunity for much-needed change.

Can We Really Foresee the Future?

Our sixth sense is our ability to perceive the unseen world or another dimension. This includes everything from ESP (extra-sensory perception), clairvoyance, telepathy, premonitions, etc. We perceive our earthly or seen world through the five senses (taste, sound, sight, touch and smell). But we perceive the unseen through our intuition or our connection to Spirit.

Premonitions are basically forewarnings or gut feelings of what is about to happen. More often, premonitions occur in the form of a dream while we are in our unconscious state. This past weekend I had one of my own.

On Saturday morning I woke up feeling very anxious because I had a dream that I just couldn’t get out of my mind. In the dream, I was at my friend Christina’s house. I was standing in her hallway and there were a lot of people around me. Suddenly, I hear Christina calling my name. “Josie! Josie!” I look up and see her heading up the stairs to the second floor. She stops, turns to face me and says, “I fell. I fell.”

At this point, I noticed that her left knee was bleeding badly. I try to get to Christina but there are people ahead of me on the stairs and I become very frustrated. When I finally get to the top of the steps, I am not in my friend’s house at all but in what looked like a very large room with people everywhere. I look around but can’t find my friend. I then go up to at least two people and say, “Where is Chris?” to which they reply, “She’s right over there.” Yet again, I look for her and can’t find her. There also seemed to be this foggy mist in the room. The dream ended with me still searching for my friend.

Christina is one of my closest friends; premonitions often involve people that we have a deep connection with or love. I called that day and told her about the dream. She told me that she was going to a party that evening. I then told her to be careful because I was concerned about the dream. I just couldn’t shake off the feeling that the dream was some kind of a message for both me and my friend.

Naturally, I was worried but Saturday night came and went without incident. On Monday, I called my friend and from the way she answered the phone I could tell that she was in pain. When I asked her what was wrong, she replied, “I fell.” I thought for sure I must have misunderstood her and asked, “What did you say?” She then repeated herself (forgetting about the dream at first), “I fell.”

I was stunned and replied, “You fell!!!???? And did you happen to hurt your knee!!!???” At this point, it hit her and she said, “OH MY GOD! Yes! I hurt my knee and it’s bleeding like crazy!” I then asked her which knee she injured. Her response: “My left knee.”

Although not all premonition dreams are negative, most are warnings of what is about to happen. In his book, The Power of Premonitions: How Knowing the Future Can Shape Our Lives (Dutton/2009), Larry Dossey, MD tells the story of a woman who dreamed that a chandelier on the celling falls crushing her baby. She also noticed, in the dream, that the clock read 4:35. She wakes up obviously upset about her dream and decides to go get the baby and bring the baby back to bed with her. Moments later, she hears a loud crash. The chandelier fell and did indeed crush the crib. When she looked at the clock, it read 4:35. (www.dosseydossey.com)

What most don’t realize is that premonitions are actually very common and have been recorded throughout history. Many experiments have been conducted which continue to suggest that human beings really do have an innate ability to foresee the future. In one such experiment, subjects were hooked up to a modified lie detector. The machine was able to measure electrical current changes on a subject’s skin. Each person was shown both violent and calming images and changes in current were recorded. Dean Radin, PhD, a respected author and scientist who conducted the study, soon realized that people were reacting before they ever saw the pictures. (www.deanradin.com)

Researchers have also found that many trains or planes which later crashed carried fewer passengers than usual. For example, the two aircraft which flew into the World Trade Center on September 11th were said to be less crowded than normal. Was this due to a gut feeling or premonition or can it be chalked up to plain old luck? Many believe the odds are greater that the passengers had an unconscious hunch that something was about to happen.

Before the tsunami slammed into Sri Lanka and India coastlines in 2005, many people witnessed a wide array of animals acting very strange. Elephants ran for higher ground while dogs and cats would not go outside. The belief that animals possess a sixth sense has been around for a very long time, so why is so hard for some to believe that humans possess the same ability?

One of the questions that people ask me most often is why they don’t have psychic experiences. What people need to understand is that we are all psychic or intuitive in one way or another. Some have a stronger connection to Spirit than others. Some develop and tune into their intuition while others don’t. In fact, studies have shown that certain personality traits are more likely to have stronger psychic abilities. They are said to be, for instance, more sensitive emotionally meaning they get upset or hurt easily. They are very creative, imaginative and extraverted and tend to believe in a Higher Source and a connection to Oneness. They are also have an ability to empathize with others and tend to be more trusting and positive.

Some skeptics say that those who are prone to having premonitions and other psychic experiences have FPP (Fantasy-Prone Personalities). This sounds like a cop out to me and just a quick way to explain the unexplainable. Those who know me well will tell you that I am very sensitive and do take things to heart. I always have. I am very trusting (more than I should be at times) and I am most often positive. I definitely believe in God or a Higher Source and I feel a strong connection to Spirit and the idea of Universal Oneness. But am I fantasy prone? Let’s put it this way, I’ve never had an imaginary friend growing up. Sure I’ve had some fantasies, we all do, but I don’t sit around all day fantasizing about what could or might be. I don’t have time for that. What “really is” takes up too much of my time.

What may separate me from some is my level of trust in my intuition. Simply put, the more you trust in that little intuitive voice, the more you hear it. The question is will you pay attention? The choice is yours.

Obviously, not every dream or vision is a premonition. But if you take the time to listen, you will be better able to “sense” when one is the real thing. And you may even be able to prevent it.

Powerful Sandy No Match for the Human Spirit

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.”

Charles Austin Beard, American Historian and Educator

 

Sometimes darkness brings out more darkness yet other times it brings out light.  On Monday, October 29^th, Hurricane Sandy, one of the fiercest storms to ever hit the East Coast, wreaked havoc on landscapes, homes, and business costing millions of dollars in damage.  Lives were forever altered while some were taken leaving nothing but heartache and memories.

 As I write this, 10 days after the storm hit, my daughters are still unable to return to school. Roads remain closed, many are still without power and gasoline and food are scarce.  Truthfully, patience is growing thin.  Most of us don’t realize just how reliant we are on certain things until we don’t have them anymore.

Born and raised in New Jersey, I have been walking around with a heavy heart these past few days.  Seeing the popular Jersey Shore—where I have spent many happy times—ripped to nothing but shreds brings me to tears.  It has also been very disheartening to see that the darkness caused by Hurricane Sandy has brought out the worst in some.

Yesterday a friend and I chatted over coffee.  She was still without power and her daughter came over to spend the night.  When I asked her how she was coping, she went on to tell me how insensitive some of her neighbors have been.  Sadly, people have stolen generators and others have put their debris on someone else’s property.

In the local paper (The Star-Ledger), I read a commentary by Columnist Bob Braun.  Braun tells the story about a cabbie named Claude Lazare who got stuck waiting on line for gasoline.  Both the guy in front of him and the guy behind him pitched in and helped by pushing Lazare’s cab toward the gas pumps.  As this was going on, a passerby motorist saw this as an opportunity to cut in line infuriating others and causing them to honk their horns and yell out obscenities.

My cousin, who lives in Staten Island, New York, told me looters literally came with shopping bags to take what little was left from abandoned stores and homes.  However, while sometimes darkness brings out more darkness, more often it brings out the light.  And what we need to remember is that good is stronger than evil.  People are primarily good and this is what we need to focus on—not the bad.  It’s easy to be overwhelmed with anguish in the midst of tragedy but if you really take the time to look, good will always prevail.

People around the world have donated generously to various Hurricane Sandy relief funds.  But perhaps more important is the spread of true human kindness.  Family helping family.  Friends helping friends.  Neighbors helping neighbors.  And strangers helping strangers.  Never has the true oneness of the human spirit been so apparent.

There is something to be said about Barbara Streisand’s popular song, “People,” which was written for the Broadway musical Funny Girl (1964) by Jule Styne, composer, and Bob Merrill, lyricist.

A feeling deep in your soul
Says you are half now you’re whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a person who needs people
People, people who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ur7I7Qy_PgI&feature=related

 

I have learned many valuable lessons as a result of Hurricane Sandy.  For one, the light of the true human spirit will never succumb to darkness.  New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said that the challenges left in the wake of Hurricane Sandy are unprecedented. Referring to the recovery and rebuilding efforts, he assured everyone saying, “I want to be clear that this will be the longest phase of our recovery from this storm.  I’m confident we can rebuild, that we will rebuild, and we’ll rebuild together.”

We can survive without electricity but we can never survive without each other.  Apart we are weak.  Together we are strong.  As the song states, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

To donate, please visit http://www.redcross.org/hurricane-sandy .  Thank you all so much.

Giving or Receiving?

“For it is in giving that we receive.”  — St. Francis of Assisi

Giving is an essential part of life.  But in order to truly give, we must do so without expectation of reward. In Buddhism, this is called perfection of giving, which is the first on a list of paramitas (perfections) which must be cultivated according to Buddhist beliefs. We must give, therefore, without reciprocity or exchange. 

While I agree that we should give without expecting anything in return, I will argue here that we are always getting something in return whether we realize it or not. It’s actually part of Universal Law:  we receive what we give. It’s an exchange of energy.

If we give with an open, pure heart, that love will be returned to us.   If we give for the wrong reason and only as a means of nurturing our own ego or getting something in return, we will receive nothing but ill regards and greed.  But when we give for the right reason, it will come back full circle. 

At the same time, society unfortunately spends too much time classifying and separating the givers and the receivers.  But the truth is there would be no giving if there was no receiving.  Many people feel uncomfortable taking things from others for two reasons.  One they feel that they will then be expected to do something in return.  And, two, they feel guilty thinking that they should be giving and not receiving. 

On Sunday, I attended an affair in honor of my cousin, Vito Tropeano, a Detective with the City of Elizabeth in New Jersey.  I am proud to say that Vito was named “Man of the Year” by the Elizabeth Chapter of UNICO.  The objectives of this charitable organization are to promote Italian heritage and culture while also being of service to the community by supporting benevolent causes.  Founded in 1922, UNICO donates approximately $1 million to various charities each year.

Vito was chosen because of his extensive charitable work in the community.  But before I get into that, I want to share a personal story.  Back in 2000, I was diagnosed with melanoma, the worst form of skin cancer.  My daughter was just three months old at the time and I was completely devastated.  No one likes to get a cancer diagnosis but there were many positives that came out of my experience.  For one thing, I realized how truly blessed I am to have such a loving and supportive family.  I am not just talking about my immediate family; I am also talking about my extended family…my cousin Vito.

My Uncle Angelo, Vito’s father, had been undergoing treatment for colon cancer at St. Vincent’s Hospital in New York City.  Vito and his brothers and sisters did everything they could to make sure their father received the best medical care. 

One day while I was trying to determine the best course of action for my own diagnosis and treatment, I opened my door to find Vito standing there.  Admittedly, I was shocked when he told me he had heard the news and wanted to take me to see the doctor who was treating his father.  I was overwhelmed and rendered speechless by his act of kindness.  “Don’t worry,” he told me, “I will take you to New York City.” 

As it turned out, I received good news after attending the Cancer Institute of New Jersey.  The cancer had not spread into my lymph nodes and it was not necessary for me to go to New York for treatment.  I have not shared this story with many people but I share it now to give you a little glimpse of the kind of person my cousin is.  Giving is just his nature.  He never gives it a second thought.   He never asks for anything in return.  There are no strings attached.

In fact, he became a police officer because he wanted to be of service to others.  He has served the community as a law enforcement officer but he goes far beyond his call of duty.  Why?  Because Vito understands the importance of giving and understands that it is in giving that we truly receive.

As Business Philosopher Jim Rohn wrote, “Giving is better than receiving because giving starts the receiving process.”  Vito is living proof.  This is not the only time he has been recognized for his acts of goodwill and kindness.  The place was packed with people who had nothing but good things to say about him. 

Everyone stood up in applause as my cousin completed his speech by saying, “As long as I am able, I will continue doing things for people.”  It was a special night for my entire family. Vito will continue to hold a special place in the hearts of all who know him.

So while I do agree that giving is better than receiving,  I also know you can’t have one without the other.  Can you inhale without exhaling?  Can you have day without night?  No, you can’t.  The two go hand in hand.  We all need to remember that we are One. 

Giving is an exchange of energy.  We will always receive what we give.  When we help others, we help ourselves. When we give love, we receive love.  It is a Universal Law.

This blog is dedicated to my wonderful cousin, Vito Tropeano.